Up Da Butt

Getting fucked up the arse is the new black. It seems every new guy I meet has some juicy titbit to share about this previously delicate, intimates-only subject. I was having drinks with a couple of guys I just met and they openly told me about the first time they tried anal intercourse. I felt undermedicated and virginal. But I pressed on for details.

Such barside confessions are not limited to bottoms; enthusiasts of initiating the act as well as those who change sides frequently are equally candid about the experience. In the past, we used codes to indicate such preference.

In the film Cruising, starring Al Pacino, the code was red bandanna tied to the wrist or left hanging out in the jeans backpocket. If I remember right, left wrist or pocket means top, right means bottom. Alhough the film was set in late 1970s New York, one could imagine how such a code was adapted elsewhere. No one, presumably, outside the gay community cracked the code.

Today, such codes are cheekily emblazoned on t-shirts declaring whether one is a 'Catcher' or a 'Pitcher', but even then, the distinction is not very clear. Amongst gay men, being top or bottom does not necessarily translate to being a fucker or a fuckee. A top ina  homosexual relationship, studies say, does not always prefer anal intercourse. Yes, there are other ways for a top to express his dominance; he may be the suckee, not the sucker.

An article I read about lesbian partners says that unlike gay men, gay women tend to assume fixed roles within their relationships such that there is the 'man' and the 'woman'. The roles, apparently, carry physical manifestations. It would seem true as erstwhile partners Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have shown. Even Ellen Degeneres and her partner Portia de Rossi seem to follow the 'man and wife' stereotype, where the more masculine partner sports manly clothes and haircut, and behaves in a more masculine way. Such is not apparent among openly gay partners; take Neil Patrick Harris and his partner - they could pass for buddies whose only physical connection involves a basketball.

But we can't draw clear-cut distinctions. In gay relationships, there are pairings of a masculine and an effeminate man. The assumption of roles may not extend to cross-dressing but it still cannot be denied.

Up the butt does not indicate being submissive - and this is a compelling distinction that I don't quite understand. Apparently, another study suggests, being aggressive or submissive determines one's role. Does that mean that a fellow who likes it up his arse and demands it aggressively from his partner is the top?